"Why are you single?"

Last weekend, I had the chance to gab it up over some good eats & wine with some friends. All was well, until an open space in the conversation led to a question that pierces me right to the core..."Why are you single?" Just the mere utterance of those words sets me on fire & I see visions of myself flipping a table Incredible Hulk style. In most cases, this comes from a cute and seemingly innocent older southern belle. I have to remind myself that smacking old ladies is just not accepted in society. This time, it came from a girl that I'd only dealt with casually. Until this exact moment, I'd been quite fond of her, especially as she's my favorite salesperson at a local boutique. We'd shared some feel good moments over the years pouring through racks of recently discounted designer shoes & dresses. At this moment, she'd become the enemy & signed herself up for a night of dirty looks!

Really, what am I supposed to say? That night, I chugged the last of my wine and told her that I was working on it. I just didn't have a rebuttal. A couple of nights later, with a glass of wine in hand, I decided I was going to work this thing out like long division. Either I was going to have a list the size of the Constitution or a hangover just as comparable. Looking at the list the next morning, I realized most of the reasons didn't even make sense to me. For your entertainment sake, here's what I could decipher of the random scribbles & doodles:

• I like the comforts of my home far too much! As a natural introvert, I prefer staying home to being in the rat race of the social scene. When I'm in the mood, I can take the vultures head on but there are a lot of times that I get dolled up to just put on sweats, sprawl across my bed & watch re-runs of What Not to Wear. Besides, I spent many hours and good money looking for my double pillow-top mattress so I feel obligated to spend quality time with it when possible. That also limits the chances of Mr. Right showing up on my doorstep to my apartment maintenance guy, the UPS man & the mobile detail guy who pops up on Saturday mornings. I'll pass on all three, please & thank you!
• I bore/get distracted easily! Not to sound conceited or just the end all-be all in personality but I have a really hard time when someone's not holding my attention. I float off into a land of fairy tales & lollipops after a few minutes of idle rambling. Sometimes, I can use this space as an opportunity to balance my checkbook or plan out my next DIY project. I'm sure I could practice staying present but the way I see it's not a problem since I'm technically multi-tasking. PRODUCTIVITY WIN!
• I can't remember names. This is probably the most deadly social sin there is! I've never been good at remembering names & have called people the wrong name more than I'd like to admit. It's nothing to do with them but just me not properly processing information. Yikes, let's not dwell too long on this point because it would just make me look like more of a bitch!
• I'm dreadfully inconsistent. I can throw mixed signals with the best of them. It's never intentional. I can truly be into someone and two hours later get annoyed when I see their name come across caller ID. (Is there a pill that can be prescribed for this?) I have it bad for going out with someone several times for weeks and then dropping completely off the face of the earth for a month. Makes for interesting encounters at the grocery store but nothing to build a relationship on.
• I'm not over an ex! *Gasp* It's not as bad as it sounds, trust me! Everyone has this problem whether they'd like to admit it or not. It all goes back to the fact that it's really hard to keep my attention. To even make it into boyfriend status means you had the je ne sais quoi to hook me from the beginning. If anything, we should applaud those who even attempted to summit the mountain that is my heart! The bad part about breaking up isn't actually losing the person. It's losing the characteristic, quirk or imperfection that you cherished most about them. So if we wanted to lay it all out, I'd have to say most never get over the majority of their exes because collectively they'd make the perfect match. *closing out group therapy*
• I like being single! I have no desire to settle right now. My biological clock is not ticking (Some days, I even wonder if I have one.) I'm in no hurry to start building a nest and have children. As much as I admire people who have gone that route, that's just not what I want right now. I'm enjoying the opportunity to come and go as I please. One day, the urge to nurture and build will outweigh my nomadic tendencies but for now, I'm not there.

Damnit, if these answers aren't good enough, so be it! There aren't any suitable answers for this question. Plus, I'd be just as batty as the crazy that asked me if I had a legitimate answer, right? At the end of the day, no one should have to answer questions like this. I'm well aware of the true motive behind this question and that's just to find out if I'm just as stuffed full of as many imperfections as the interrogating officer. And your answer is...YES! I'm as flawed as the next person but I wear and represent it well!

***This post was never intended to be post here. I wrote it on a whim & then pulled it for something else. After the blessing & urging of good friends, I decided to post it here. Hopefully, you got a good chuckle out of it!