(Please be forewarned, this is a small glimpse into the conundrum that is my brain…Good luck with that!)
Looking back, I can’t recall a time when I wasn’t trying to live up to something. Maybe living up to a parent’s high standards or a classmate’s ideas of how I should be. Before long, it was all I was worried about. Surely, I couldn't disappoint the masses by not living up to this. I had to be tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, athletic enough, _________ enough to not just be plain ol’ me. I can think back to all the times that I was hit in the face with “you’ll never be/get ___________ if you’re like/don’t change____________” or “ no one’s ever going to want you if you don’t _________________”. I deposited all of these into my heart & tried to do whatever it took to change me into someone other thought was ideal. A glimpse into my diary, old pictures and credit card statements shows just how desperate I was to live up to these standards of perfection. I was slowly slipping further & further away from my true essence. I don’t know when I snapped out of it but I did. There were moments of relapse when I felt out of body & could see that I was falling back into the traps. Finally I made a promise to myself to never look back & to be present each day in my imperfection. I’d love me through it all no matter how painful the process. No more clothes that I hated to wear, no more acrylic nails, no more spending hours in the beauty shop and no more saying ‘yes’ when I really mean ‘HELL NAW’. And so you have it, me...decidedly imperfect & loving every minute of it! I wear clothes that make me happy, I wear my hair as big as I want, I paint my (own) nails whatever color(s) I like and I tell you when you’re out of line. Each freckle, imperfection, and bad habit makes me chuckle! I wish I’d done it a lot sooner but I know that all that time was well spent so that I could bask in this moment. You can join me…the only requirement is that you keep your standards to yourself and promise to not be perfect!