Guilty Pleasure

I've had that song on repeat for some time now & it never gets old. I've been waiting to see a video but nothing's popped up yet. The collab is perfect! As much as Wale can prove to be an ass with his Twitter antics, he can lay a track. Rick Ross has been on some of my favorite songs lately. Something about him seems like he knows how to be man in all situations. All girls like a man that will take care of business & just allow us to watch him put in work. (Message!) Jeremih's vocals just kind of tied the two together. Whoever put this together hit the nail on the head! My favorite line is Wale's "You'll probably find someone but you'll never find another!"

One day...

...you'll be next in line for {insert major life event}.

...you'll have your own house & make whatever rules you want.

...he'll realize what he's missing out on.

...you'll forget how crappy of a day that you're having.

...you'll see that all your sacrifices were all worth it.

...you & your nerdy husband will have nerdy kids & live in a big nerdy house. **an awesome gem courtesy of my mom when I came home from elementary school & told her someone called me a nerd

...you will see all of your hard work pay off.

...you'll look back & realize things worked out for the best.

Every muscle in my body tenses up whenever someone starts off a sentence with "One day...". It feels that once again, someone is telling me that I can't have what I want. Granted, sometimes, the statements are valid. Still, it's not what I want to hear. The one day that I thought would be exempt of such a phrase was my birthday. I was sadly mistaken!

As I sat there watching my friend watch me cry like a starving newborn, I was lost on how I could flip from a great day to the monstrosity of a moment that I was experiencing. We've been friends for over a decade now so we have shared these moments before. Having her comfort me with some of the phrases above was not uncharted territory for us. I'd done the same for her in like moments. Never once had I believed that things would not be fairy tale perfect for her when it was all said and done. For some reason, in this moment, as she spoke the words to me, I could not accept it as a truth. Why is it that when it seemed that I could get what I wanted, it was being removed from stock with a note saying "COMING SOON"? The information I'd just taken into my system was surreal. I felt like I'd just been drop-kicked in the chest (repeatedly). With each mouse click & scroll, I took another kick right to the heart. Dancing in my head were the thoughts that what I was doing by reading it all was wrong. (I'm not above taking the blame that I have in this.) Those thoughts were intercepted by "Here we go again!", "I wonder if I would have ever known.", "Did I think I was that special?", "How hard is it to just tell me the truth?", and "WOW! WOW! WOW!" I wanted nothing more than to travel back in time to just one of several very specific points where I could have prevented this moment, us or anything pointing to the crushed feeling that'd taken over me. It was too late & there is no way I can unsee or unfeel all of this. The damage is done...self-inflicted & friendly fire. (Geez, extra dramatic moment! Blame my parents for creating a Leo baby.)

Am I jaded? Yep! I won't pretend like I'm not. This stuff gets real old; real quick. You can't help but feel slighted.

Will I recover? Hell, yes! My faith in who I thought he was & what we could have been were killed but this didn't kill ME! (More dramatics! Sorry!)

Will I forgive? I have no choice. Non-forgiveness on my part means that I don't practice what I preach. Every week, I share that I don't deserve forgiveness but through grace & mercy I receive it. HOWEVER, I will not forget. Not that crazy chick steeze where she's throwing it in the guy's face every 20 minutes. Just the flag inside that'll remind me that losing is sometimes the best form of winning.

I shall continue to wait for the "one day" that all of those "One Day..." declarations come true manifested as doors and no longer walls.

Dear 30s: We're off to a pretty effin' horrible start! Spare me & start to redeem yourself soon!

The countdown begins...(and rambling about my rambling)

I'm awfully ramble-y lately! I'm not sure what the deal is but I feel like I'm much more talkative than usual. I'm 99.9999956% sure that it's because I'm rounding my last days in my 20s. I guess instead of going out & blowing money on things I don't need, I'm gushing with random babble. God bless my friends for bearing with me. Luck for you that you only get my 2 cents if I click "publish post". The loves of my life get a dose of me by way of phone call, BBM, GChat, text, carrier pigeon and sneak attack. There's not nearly enough wine, chocolate & shiny things by which I could sufficiently repay them for the energy they expend to keep me sane (and from running off to be a nun who sneakily drinks wine in her room of the convent while waiting on the hot Italian guy who delivers the bread each day. If I'm going to finish my days in a convent, at least, allow me to view the merchandise since I can't touch it!). As I was saying, My friends are the bestest that a girl can have & I don't take them for granted a single day.

Speaking of awesome friends, I'm planning to couch surf at a friend's in the very near future. Since my trip last summer, I've spent over 365 days craving pizza from Gino's East in Chicago and I think I will explode if I do not consume it soon. So to Chi-town I will go! I'm not really up for a Dirty 30 party so I'm just going to hang with my friend, eat my way through the Gino's East menu, frolic on Pennsylvania Avenue for a few days, then bring it back home. This is how I want to welcome my 30s! I'm silently counting the days until my feet touch Midwest soil!

P.S. I got the Instructional Design Specialist position that I've been going after & I am so excited! It's taken a month of exhausting interviews, pushing myself and encouraging words from friends. Again, I feel blessed beyond measure!

Rub-a-Dub-Dub!

Lame title, I know, but here's the 2nd part of my adventures at the TN Natural Hair & Wellness Expo!

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of bath and body products, even more so if they are all natural. The expo was packed to the brim with ladies proving that we can "cook" in the bathroom, too!

First up is Andrea of The Bubble Bistro! I heard many great things about her before I could even find her shop nestled inconspicuously in Midtown. I was ecstatic to see she was on the list of vendors for the event. She's always a pleasure to talk to & her work in unbelievable. She carries products for men & women including bath bombs, body oils and shampoo bars. If you live in Memphis, you've definitely heard the buzz of her products by now. I couldn't resist leaving without a few goodies for my stash!

I snatched up 2 soaps, a scrub & a body butter!! SCORE!

Peeking my curiosity was table featuring Divine Clementines's Dope Soap on a Rope. How could you not love these adorable little soaps! The line is made of four scents: Lavender Goats Milk, Teatree Goats Milk Oatmeal Cookie, Peppermint Goats Milk and Coconut Ylang Ylang. The creator of this line is based out of Atlanta with roots here in Memphis. With true Southern charm, she juggled her line of customers while giving me the back story of how she got started. I scooped up a couple of her heart-shaped soaps for the road & let her get back to business. Her table was selling out fast!

Another Atlanta-based line getting quite a bit of attention at the expo was Miss She Body Cocktails! No doubt that we ladies need a cocktail here & there and here's one you can enjoy without feeling bad. Of course, I was digging for info on how the line of bath teas, body washes, salt scrubs and signature Beurre Mousse came about. Turns out the founder, Shelia Driver, has a background in the Legal field. This former Legal eagle has definitely found her niche here in the world of bath and body products.

Looking back at my goodie bag that I amassed at the show, I'm surprised that I didn't go broke at the expo. I have enough products to last me until the end of the year. The best thing is that everything has a long enough shelf life (when kept out of water) to sustain until I can get around to it. Definitely, a great investment if you keep the schedule I do and love to pamper yourself every once in a while.

I felt this was totally appropriate!

See you later!

Gimme that!

The other day, I had a tad bit of free time after work and I decided to swing my Anthropologie. This place normally gets me in so much trouble. (Not so) surprisingly, it's not the clothes that I have a hard time resisting. It's the random knick-knacks they sell that I must have. Only in Anthropologie would I feel completely justified in purchasing a $25 notebook. Despite my weakness, I ducked in and quickly fell back into bad habit. I resisted as much as I could by leaving with just a belt. I wore it out on a date last night. (I'll spare you the sad details of that monstrosity!) I can't wait to wear it more!

Here's what caught my eye! Maybe I'll get something with the 15% off birthday card they sent last week.

Don't act like you're surprised that I'd be drooling over a book!

Love this cute dish for keeping up with my rings!

Despite my coffee addiction, I thought this would also work as a cute alternative flower pot!

I have such a weakness for skirts & dresses!

The kangaroo pouch pocket on this Dolce Vita number is a plus!

Though I have been keeping shopping to a minimum for essentials, I did "splurge" a bit on a recent trip to Starbucks. Overall, Beyonce did pretty good with 4. It's taken me a while to like most of the songs. My favorites are Party, Countdown, Rather Die Young & Run the World. Bey rarely does wrong in my eyes & she delivered for me on this album. It's worth checking out!

Naturally Awesome!

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Tennessee Natural Hair and Wellness Expo. It was nothing short of exciting and amazing to see so many people come out to support the event. The vendors and workshops were great! Though I was only there a few hours, I met quite a few wonderful people that I can't wait to stay in touch with. I thought I would be able to cover the entire event in just one post but I'm going to have to break this down into a few parts. Bear with me as I get it all together. And special thanks to Alycia of All Day Natural and Elle of Beale Street Chic for asking me to cover the event. If you haven't checked out their blogs, GO NOW!!!

The first table I spotted was shared by Leah of Etniq Cosmetics and Nakia of Nakia Amour. These ladies are seriously holding it down in Little Rock. They are keeping all the ladies in their area rocking fab hair & flawless makeup. Surprise, surprise...the products are ALL NATURAL!

Leah's line of makeup includes all a girl could want! She carries an array of foundations, shadows, glosses, and blushes with colors for ladies of all complexions. As we chatted, she revealed her curiosity about makeup started because of her time as a dancer & having to wear it for performances. Couple that curiosity with her education in chemical engineering & training as an esthetician and VOILA! I absolutely love her story & gracious personality!

Nakia is the creator of a natural hair care products. Her line includes a pre-conditioning oil, leave-in conditioner, moisturizer and gel. She even has a black soap shampoo that also doubles as a facial wash! I loved that her product line is free of all the icky stuff like silicones and synthetics. A walking billboard for her own product line, her hair was gorgeous & healthy!

Make sure that you venture over to the ladies' websites and check out their products!

Don't we kinda look like long lost sisters!?!?

Stay tuned for part 2 of the happenings from the TN Natural Hair and Wellness Expo...

Teaser...

No time for a real post but I've got some great things in the works...

• I'm blogging & live tweeting from the TN Natural Hair Care & Wellness Expo tomorrow! Stay tuned for a detailed post on the festivities.
• I made it to the 2nd round of interviews for a new position! (Because of this, I have to complete a project by Monday. Eeek! I haven't finished but I have a solid start to it. I'm going to give it my all in some major power sessions this weekend.)
• I'll be featured on fellow curly girl's blog!
• I'm putting together the framework of my own Mastermind group which will start at the end of this month!

Now do you see why I haven't been updating this week? Catch you later!

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

I had a real post that I planned to publish today but it'll have to wait because...

I got my braces removed yesterday meaning no more being confused for a teenager or one of the summer interns! I'm now free to eat all the apples, almonds, sushi and popcorn my heart desires!

***And yep, that's a toilet in the background! Courtesy of my work bathroom!

I'm still alive!

Gratuitous car pic to prove that I'm alive & well!

Sooo, errr, ummm...I deserted my happy place on the interwebz a bit longer than I intended to! My only explanation is that life has been taking me for a bit of a ride lately. Some things were more than I bargained for & others were just parts of life. Either way, I'm developing a gratefulness for all that I'm experiencing and patiently awaiting the moment that I can see the fruits of it all. As not to keep you in the complete dark on the latest happenings, here's a few things that have been keeping me tied up...

You've heard my constant rambling about my braces & I am glad to say that I am in the homestretch now! I've had 2 oral surgeries in the last 6 weeks and I'm praying that I can get this dang-blasted metal removed next Friday. (Send up a prayer that my Ortho doesn't throw me any curve balls by changing the date.) A couple of my awesome work friends have offered to go on a lunch date with me to eat all the non-braces friendly cuisine that I've been avoiding for the last two and a half years. I just want a plate full of sushi, corn on the cob & taffy! Yay!

My (not-so) little sister is officially a college graduate! This has been a very proud process for me to see her grow up & have the opportunity to go to college. She even found a full-time job and moved back home this weekend. I took a tiny sigh of relief knowing that she could enter the working class so quickly after school. Today, she received her acceptance into graduate school! A few more years & she'll be able to support me. (Wishful thinking, huh?!?!)

Work is rarely more than work but lately it's given me the opportunity to develop strengths that I wasn't sure that I had. I have a great work support system that keeps me off the ledge when things get to be too much for my introverted nature. Luckily, they push me to take chances and to get myself noticed by others across the organization. I'm hoping the last few months of hard work (& discomfort) will lead to advancement.

Dating...well, the dating game is just that..a game! There are times that I'm up for it & times when I just want things to be simple. Although I'm always looking for a challenge and the opportunity to learn from my interactions with others, I am not interested in the sport of dating. I think someone's passing out a memo that every woman over the age of 25 has obnoxious clock ticking that forces her to take whatever mediocre offering a man puts on the table. Not the case for me! I cannot deal with inconsistency and flakiness. As soon as the red flag pops up, I'm off the boat before it sinks. The BFF has shut down my wishes to become a nun so I guess I'm in this for the long haul. Prayers accepted for this endeavor, too!

I told you I had a lot going on & this only covers a small portion of it. I'm going to stay on my p's & q's as not to leave my happy place unattended for so long in the future. *pinky promise*

I would be remiss to close this entry without saying THANK YOU to all of those who reached out to me during my hiatus with kind words & well wishes! Very telling how the interwebz can be a place of positivity, support and encouragement when its power are use for good!

Bittersweet...

This past Sunday, I logged into Facebook and was met with the saddening news that my friend Patty was killed in a car accident earlier that morning. I immediately called her sister just hoping that my eyes were deceiving me. She was very calm as she explained to me what she knew of the accident details though it was all still sketchy to her. I racked my brain to find the words to express my shock and sadness but only "I'm so sorry!" would come out. Several days later, I am still in disbelief. I can speak of her death but no emotions are there. I can only give facts. Normally, I have to force myself to remove the high-powered emotions that pulse through me so that I can give just the facts. There are none. I feel like a robot. I prefer to process emotions alone but I don't think I've had the time to do that this week. I'm sure that eventually my heart will swell beyond capacity and the tears will flow uncontrollably but not yet. Driving to her wake today, I was waiting for that moment. Walking into the funeral home, I was still waiting on that moment. As I stood there in the viewing room, my heart & mind could not fully make the connection of what I was taking in. Seeing her without that trademark smile & infectious laugh made it hard for me to believe my friend was in that casket. How could someone so beautiful, funny, kind-hearted, passionate and resilient come into my life for just a short time but make such an impact? In one year, Patty taught me what it was really like to be present in the moment & not be afraid to be your authentic self. She was just a few months older than me yet she'd learned to weather so many more of life's storms than I. Driving home, I was struck with the reality of just how bittersweet life can be. Patty was just getting back on her feet & starting to make her dreams a reality. I remember looking at the fan page she'd created for her new business & thinking "Oh, Patty! There you go again! I can't wait to see this!" I never got to ask her about the business & now I may never know what was going on in that head of hers. I don't know what God's plans were when he made me a part of Patty's world. I can only hope that I made the kind of impact on her that she made on me. The picture featured is the last time that we got to hang out. Dancing to the Pussy Cat Dolls on the bar at Coyote Ugly, I never for one second thought we would not have the opportunity to do it again. My heart is heavy but I will cherish the laughs we shared!

Seen and Heard

My introverted personality takes pride in moving about undetected with stealth-like precision. Last week, I had a complete misfire of my ninja powers...

My alarm started blaring at 5:30 and I stumbled from the bed about a hour later. Despite the slow start, I was in great spirits & went about getting ready. I don't toil around with making perfect outfits. I pretty much close my eyes, reach in my closet & pull out something. As long as the resulting outfit covers my lady bits, I roll with it without too much additional thought. This day was no different. By 7:20, I was out the door & at Starbucks by 7:30. In that 10 minute time frame, a monsoon came through and I was taking my 2nd shower of the day. Still determined to get in my daily allowance of caffeine, I snatched up my umbrella from the passenger side floorboard, whipped it out my door & headed into the elements. Halfway across the parking lot, God must have taken a deep sigh because a huge gust of wind came through. Consequently, my umbrella turned on me & cracked me right in the middle of my forehead. So M-F'ing hard that I stumbled! Through the cartoon-like stars circling my head, I saw another Starbucks patron shaking his head in amazement at my moment of discombobulation! Not wanting to let on that I felt as small as an ant, I sauntered right into the Starbucks to get my crack...err, drink. The wind was apparently still in the mood to toy with me & was now forcing me to use my not-so-brute strength to open the door. Once I got it open, the damn wind was not letting go & causing me to yank it closed. {Insert loud boom} Gathering my composure & my cardigan (now completely twisted & exposing far too much skin for February), I let my umbrella down and tossed it next to the creamer station. {Insert nuclear bomb sound effect} Terrified, I looked around and locked eyes with my Starbucks admirer. My brain flooded with millions of prayers similar to: "GO-GO-GADGET INVISIBLE CLOAK", "PLEASE GOD MELT ME INTO A PUDDLE LIKE IN THE CARTOONS" and "WAKE UP & THIS DREAM WILL BE OVER"! I think God may have walked away from the mainline briefly because none of the above happened. I hurried to the counter to order my goods, spoke a gratuitous "Good Morning!" to my buddy then scurried to my car. Once in the safety of my car, I let out the most audible sigh in history then smacked my (still pink from Round 1 with my umbrella)forehead on the steering wheel. I want to tell you the day got astronomically better. I really do! In typical fashion, I managed to execute several equally embarrassing moments across the remainder of the day. I hit the sack around 8:00 that night to spare the lives of the remaining citizens of my dear city.

This is not an excerpt from a tween book series! This is a typical day in my life proving that you just grow older not cooler!


Photo credit: I stole this picture somewhere from the interwebz months ago. I'll find the original owner & give them proper credits, I promise!

Imperfectly Quotable

"Living well is an art that can be developed: a love of life and ability to take great pleasure from small offerings and assurance that the world owes you nothing and that every gift is exactly that, a gift."

Maya Angelou

I was just catching up on my blogroll and this quote was featured in the a post on A Wild Spring She Bore. It was too beautiful not to share. Have a great week!

Let's call this a comeback!

My little section of the interwebz has been abandoned for quite some time now. It's not that I don't love my space here but it had to take a temporary backseat to some things that I needed to get off my plate. Then it fell victim to writer's block, winter blues & outright laziness. I have plenty of things in queue but never published them for whatever reason. Lately I have been focusing on learning how to dream again. Seems weird but, at some point, I completely blocked out the part of me that dares to believe beyond the current reality before my eyes. I joined a month long challenge to see if I could break away from this. My experience during this program has been very positive; though very direct and jarring at times. Nonetheless, I'm glad that I decided to participate. This morning's exercise was cool and I wanted to share. Initially, I cringed because I was pretty sure there was no way that I could finish it. The thought of coming up with 100 things that make me happy seemed crazy. I didn't think I could possibly list 100 different things; period. I did! (Actually my list was more than 100 things but I cut it off) Here it* is:

1. hugs
2. kisses
3. spending quality time with friends & family
4. conquering a fear
5. reading
6. cooking
7. dancing
8. sushi
9. motivating others
10. dessert
11. volunteering
12. seeing others happy
13. traveling
14. writing
15. flowers (especially HUGE sunflowers)
16. watching the sun rise
17. talking to my friends
18. receiving encouraging words from others
19. praying for others
20. making others smile
21. completing an assignment
22. looking at old pictures
23. thinking about times with Fix-it Freddy (my grandfather)
24. receiving a compliment
25. finding vintage jewelry
26. the smell of lavender
27. a huge mug of tea
28. hearing someone say that they love me
29. painting my nails
30. wearing my hair obnoxiously big
31. sitting in a coffee shop wasting time
32. standing on a rooftop overlooking the river
33. going to the movies
34. going to the park
35. reading poetry
36. reading the Bible
37. listening to Al Green songs
38. going to concerts
39. black & white movies
40. leopard print pumps
41. peaches
42. kiwis
43. Gilmore Girl re-runs
44. vanilla milkshakes
45. sitting on the beach reading magazines
46. Denver, CO
47. Dallas, TX
48. SWEET TEA!!!!
49. omelets
50. all thinks Italian (especially Italian men)
51. dreaming of moving to Paris
52. greasy cheese fries
53. exercising
54. going for long walks
55. butterflies
56. turtles <~~~~ random!!!
57. browsing libraries, bookstores & art galleries
58. the smell of a new car
59. sugar cookies
60. craft festivals
61. cupcakes
62. Heath cookies from McAlisters (& sweet tea)
63. cheesecake
64. coffee (with a lot of cream)
65. handmade jewelry
66. massages
67. dates (with a lot of laughter & genuine conversation)
68. holding hands
69. Empire Records, Grease & A Bronx Tale (movies)
70. listening to my elders talk
71. scary movies
72. making hair products & accessories
73. reading fashion magazines
74. playing with makeup
75. flying alone
76. knowing that someone is thinking of me
77. "I miss you" texts and phone calls
78. leaving handwritten notes
79. lace panties <~~~such a girly thing!
80. soft leather purses
81. my crazy furrballs Ava & Avery
82. quiet time alone
83. God's revelations to me
84. supporting a good cause
85. farmers' markets
86. big sunglasses
87. any song by Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu or Chaka Khan
88. restful sleep <~~~~ a rarity for me
89. red wine
90. "Good Morning" texts and phone calls
91. Anything blue, purple, yellow or green
92. cozy sweatshirts and sweaters
93. high heels
94. holding hands
95. notebooks
96. tattoos
97. jeans worn with cotton t-shirts
98. tall men with great smiles
99. unique jewelry
100. Washington, D.C.

Bonus! Dancing around to this song always puts me in good mood!

Happy New Year!

*The items on my list are in no particular order. I just jotted them down as they came to mind. They are numbered so that I could easily keep track of what number I was on.