Imperfectly Quotable (& Apologetic)

"I'm afraid that the older I get the more I'll have to regret...what do you do with regret...especially for an admitted perfectionist"

Kanye West via Twitter

Sorry for the sporadic posting! It's not that I don't love you but I've been a tad bit busy trying to avoid regret! I woke up this morning & as usual, Mr. West was tweeting away while I was catching some zzzzzzz. (Sadly, catching up with his & Erykah Badu's tweets are the highlights of my very early mornings! What else am I supposed to do at 5 a.m.?) I love that he allows the world into that Rubik's Cube of a brain of his! Back to my point, the older I get the more aware I am of potential opportunities that may never come around again. I'm trying like hell to catch them all! Whether if it's nothing more than a quick lunch with a friend or an 18-hour road trip to Washington, D.C. (best ever!!!), I don't want to look back and hate that I didn't do something. In my early 20's I missed quite a few significant life moments of friends that I hold close to my heart. At the time, my life was such a whirlwind full of hard bumps and I couldn't be there. Now I look back & realize that my presence in those moments were needed for them and myself. I should have taken the break from my insanity to focus on someone else's moment of happiness thus opening up a stream for that to trickle into my situation. Living life with no/minimal regret takes conscious choices while weighing out the risk but, most importantly, the gain!

Confessional is now open!

I don't boast about it but I'm a bit artsy fartsy when left to myself. I don't have a particular medium that I like to work with. I've tried a few different techniques over the year. My job doesn't allow for any creativity so I escape by way of quick pencil sketches. My mind gets so cluttered with random idea that a few years back I started carrying moleskin notebooks in my purse. Fairly quickly, more than half of the pages are littered with random doodles. I never show anyone because they're never anything special. It's my little secret! Once I've finished a book, I throw it into a pile and rarely do I ever go back to look at them. I picked up the drawing bug from my dad. He's the most talented artist that I know. Sadly, it's not a talent that he uses often; if ever. He's a secret doodler like me. In high school, he was granted an Art scholarship but he didn't use it. He was pushed to focus on basketball because of his height. (He's 6'9"!) When the basketball thing didn't get him into college, he just started to work. I remember the first time that I discovered he could draw. I was working on a project and asked for some help drawing a horse. In minutes, he'd sketched out the most perfect masterpiece. I contemplated signing my name on the bottom to turn it in as my own work but he wasn't having it. He took me through the steps on creating my own. And that's when the art bug bit me! I've drawn all kinds of things & recently branched out to photography. I get super excited at the opportunities to get outside to take pictures or lay out & draw. Doesn't happen too much but it's a treat when I get the chance.

I'm sure you're wondering why this qualifies as confession worthy! Well, I've been wanting to discreetly put together a collection of sketches and photos. I've been putting it off & making excuses about time and my lack of professional training. I received a random e-mail from a childhood acquaintance and wrote a super-charged motivational e-mail reply just to realize that I should be taking my own advice. Dawn Okoro's recent blog post pretty much reinforced that little voice that was telling me that I have no more reasons to run from it. I'm entering a local event where random citizens are asked to fill a small sketchpad with their creativity. I should get my book by the weekend. I'll share the final product before I turn it back in at the beginning of September.

And then there was 1...

How often does this happen? I'm the lucky girl who gets the trolley to myself...AGAIN! I should probably be worried about what people will think of me riding the trolley alone on a Friday night. I'm not. I should probably be worried about some thug snatching my purse. I'm not. I actually kind of like this. Not even the driver has mumbled a word to me. (My guess is that he likes being alone, too.) As odd as it seems to others, I like it this way. Only when I'm alone can I really appreciate myself. Being in the mix throws in added nuisance of insecurity & doubt. Who wants to party with those two Debbie Downers? In this moment, I love that no one can be dorky, charming, mysterious and passionate ME!

Growing up, we're constantly told that we're unique & there's no one else like us. Well, I can boast that's pretty accurate for me. See, I'm part of the 1%! Not just any 1% but THE 1% that wears the label INFJ! In moments like this, my INFJ is at peace & can rest but still relish in the moment. We like the chance to just be surrounded by space. For in that space, our creativity and intellect run wild. All the problems of the world are quickly solved once space exists. I love space & it loves me. We make a powerful couple that can take the world head on. So we'll finish this ride & things will be much clearer at the end. And then I'll step back into world as just one of many but my favorite ONE!

*I wrote this last night while doing one of my favorite things in the entire world - riding the Main Street trolley. In my perfect world, I can get in one Main Street visit a week. It's only $1 each time you get on and it pays for itself over and over again. This is where I get in the best people watching and conversations with strangers. My BlackBerry is full of these random thoughts which, until now, have never seen the light of day. Eeeek!

'Every day that goes by is a couple more lines in her diary..."

LOVE! Maybe it's because I kept most of my diaries from college & I still catch myself writing in one now. Nothing like looking back to see how much you're changed & how you've opened up to life's possibilities.

*More posts coming later today or tomorrow. Crazy week so far but I have to show you a recap of the last few days!