Imperfectly Quotable

"You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking."

Marianna Williamson

Forgive my disbelief!

Sometimes I can't believe:

• what an awesome set of friends that I have
• just how wrong I was about life as a teen
• the awesome endless possibilities this world holds
• how much love I am capable of expending despite all the hurt I've experienced
• what a cruel world I live in
• the kindred souls I've met despite us being so many miles away
• how much I have grown in the last 5 years
• how paralyzing some of my most irrational fears are to me
• my brain hasn't exploded from all the dorky & useless info I cram into it
• how much I love sushi
• I survived my teen years without crumbling to ashes
• I have these 2 piercings and want more
• how massive my hair is
• I'm not out of these damn braces yet
• people actually care what I have to say
• I'm madly in love with someone & there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it
• God chooses repeatedly to use me bring life back to others
• that person in the mirror is me

Disbelief is the most counterproductive cognitive function! The only way to cure it is simply to do the opposite and just believe. Each day is a process that I'm willing to give my all to because I know the end result will be worth the effort.

Tumbling 'Round

Tumblr is one of my guilty pleasures & I've been going insane since it crashed the other day. Man, I wish everyone had a Tumblr! You can really learn a lot about someone from what post. I love it a million times more than the traditional blog because there are no words to sort through or explanations to trip over! Here are just a few of my fav Tumblr gems:

Happy Hump Day! ♥

It's not easy being GREEN!

Same stuff; different day except for my newest jewelry acquisition. Thanks to my super talented & creative friend, I am in love with my one-of-a-kind gingko leaf drop earrings. Inspired by PeaceImages' Leaf earrings, I gave my buddy a super cheap pair of drops & she delivered these beauties! Few know of my love for gingko leaves and how elated I was to actually spot a few trees downtown. Now I have my own pieces of sunshine to wear about town!

And just for the hell of it...

When enough is really ENOUGH!

This morning, I woke up with the craziest feeling! It's not that I've never felt it before. I've definitely been here before but I guess I didn't think I'd be here again so soon. The feeling was the need to get some things in order. Though it was soon replaced with nausea after my morning breakfast (Ugh!), I'm so glad that it was filling my space. I kinda wish that I'd recognized it during my wrestling match with insomnia the other night. That was surely a great time to get some ish on the right path. Let's just rejoice that I'm at the crossroad here, now, and right on time! The major epiphany that you've been waiting to hear...I have enough! Yep, that's it! No, really that's it. I have enough material things to last me quite a while. Though I'm not an exclusive gadgets or designer threads girl, I do like the experience of shopping. For me, it's less to do with the actual item purchased and far more to do with the process of it. Guess that makes me an experience girl? Maybe? Back to the moment of clarity...

As I look around, I see that I have all that any girl like me could want. I have a space of many awesome mini-experiences cataloged by some kind of artifact whether an impractical dress, one-of-a-kind necklace, cheeky coffee table book or perfectly-me set of stationery. All of these are enough for me! Then naturally, I asked myself exactly what's next for me to get into. I had to take a quick inventory of how I felt about this whole thing because I had to make sure this didn't mean that I'd climaxed in life. This just wasn't possible. Hell, I'm not even 30 yet! Talk about a short climb to the top! Not the case here so I talked myself off the ledge. I was actually relieved because this turned the spotlight onto what was behind the creative flood that I've been wading in for the last few weeks. I'd acquired my (current) heart's desire and now it was time for me to move from consumer to producer. Now it's my time to take all my creativity and put it to use. There's no reason for me to dream in blockbuster, heart-pounding color and not be able to translate it to something for tangible. Today that ends! The experiences will continue but now just from a different angle!


P.S. I really LOVE writing in this Nyquil-induced whimsy. If you don't mind, I'm just going to archive the drafts that I have on my hard drive. Maybe they'll get to come out one day. Who knows!?!?

Disclaimer: Moments like this don't always go as smooth as described above! There may a a flicker of panic in me. Inside, I was screaming "What?!?! What?!?! This can't be happening to me! What is wrong with me?" Then came a tiny whisper that said "maturity". That was it! It was settled! This was a moment of maturity. No way that I could argue with that! I got somewhere and sat real still to hash out my game plan for handling myself in this juncture.

Imperfectly Quotable (& Apologetic)

"I'm afraid that the older I get the more I'll have to regret...what do you do with regret...especially for an admitted perfectionist"

Kanye West via Twitter

Sorry for the sporadic posting! It's not that I don't love you but I've been a tad bit busy trying to avoid regret! I woke up this morning & as usual, Mr. West was tweeting away while I was catching some zzzzzzz. (Sadly, catching up with his & Erykah Badu's tweets are the highlights of my very early mornings! What else am I supposed to do at 5 a.m.?) I love that he allows the world into that Rubik's Cube of a brain of his! Back to my point, the older I get the more aware I am of potential opportunities that may never come around again. I'm trying like hell to catch them all! Whether if it's nothing more than a quick lunch with a friend or an 18-hour road trip to Washington, D.C. (best ever!!!), I don't want to look back and hate that I didn't do something. In my early 20's I missed quite a few significant life moments of friends that I hold close to my heart. At the time, my life was such a whirlwind full of hard bumps and I couldn't be there. Now I look back & realize that my presence in those moments were needed for them and myself. I should have taken the break from my insanity to focus on someone else's moment of happiness thus opening up a stream for that to trickle into my situation. Living life with no/minimal regret takes conscious choices while weighing out the risk but, most importantly, the gain!

Confessional is now open!

I don't boast about it but I'm a bit artsy fartsy when left to myself. I don't have a particular medium that I like to work with. I've tried a few different techniques over the year. My job doesn't allow for any creativity so I escape by way of quick pencil sketches. My mind gets so cluttered with random idea that a few years back I started carrying moleskin notebooks in my purse. Fairly quickly, more than half of the pages are littered with random doodles. I never show anyone because they're never anything special. It's my little secret! Once I've finished a book, I throw it into a pile and rarely do I ever go back to look at them. I picked up the drawing bug from my dad. He's the most talented artist that I know. Sadly, it's not a talent that he uses often; if ever. He's a secret doodler like me. In high school, he was granted an Art scholarship but he didn't use it. He was pushed to focus on basketball because of his height. (He's 6'9"!) When the basketball thing didn't get him into college, he just started to work. I remember the first time that I discovered he could draw. I was working on a project and asked for some help drawing a horse. In minutes, he'd sketched out the most perfect masterpiece. I contemplated signing my name on the bottom to turn it in as my own work but he wasn't having it. He took me through the steps on creating my own. And that's when the art bug bit me! I've drawn all kinds of things & recently branched out to photography. I get super excited at the opportunities to get outside to take pictures or lay out & draw. Doesn't happen too much but it's a treat when I get the chance.

I'm sure you're wondering why this qualifies as confession worthy! Well, I've been wanting to discreetly put together a collection of sketches and photos. I've been putting it off & making excuses about time and my lack of professional training. I received a random e-mail from a childhood acquaintance and wrote a super-charged motivational e-mail reply just to realize that I should be taking my own advice. Dawn Okoro's recent blog post pretty much reinforced that little voice that was telling me that I have no more reasons to run from it. I'm entering a local event where random citizens are asked to fill a small sketchpad with their creativity. I should get my book by the weekend. I'll share the final product before I turn it back in at the beginning of September.

Separation Anxiety

Destructive vs. Constructive? Fulfilling vs. Draining? Positive vs. Negative? No matter how we choose to rid our lives of the bad things, we end up running that thing past one (if not all) of these questions. It seems like a no-brainer but we still have to check to see where it falls. Whether it's a major relationship or a simple habit, the true gut check begins and ends with these questions. Funny enough, I've been standing in this same same grocery aisle of questions for some time looking at all the cans wondering which I'm going to put in my basket & which I'd leave behind for someone else to pick up. As simple of a choice as it should be, I'm not sure that I'm ready to leave some behind. My mind races between these questions constantly tagging back and forth:

• What will I do with the time that deserting this will leave me?
• What will people say once I've walked away?
• How will I explain my decision?
• Do I really need to let go of it?

Truth be told I know the answers to all of these and already know what I'm going to do. My biggest concern is what happens in the meantime. How do you tackle the emotions that come along with the choice? All of those emotions are a direct derivative of fear; sometimes minor and other times paralyzing. Whichever the case, I challenge you (and myself) to grab that fear by the horns and wrestle it to the ground. Sure, there will be a few bruises as a result but a small cost to achieve the happiness we all seek. Whatever it is that you're trying to separate yourself from, do it now! Don't worry about the frivolous questions that float through your mind. Those are just self-inflicted tricks to keep us from what we really desire. The anxiety will soon subside and you will triumph!

Imperfectly Quotable

"Allow us to build relationships with others who will fall in love with our destiny and not our destination."

George G. Tolbert II*

*My friend spoke these words last night & I couldn't help but share them with you!! Happy Hump Day!

Imperfectly Quotable

"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are."

Drake via Twitter

♫ Explore the passion in your possibilities...♫

Listen. Meditate. Know!

Living as the New Eve

Lately, I have been in the strangest place spiritually. The pull on me to be dynamic, bold & virtuous has felt like too much to bear at some times. None of the education I’ve received ever covered how to dream big, live up to those dreams but still be rooted. There have been days where I felt a big, gaping hole in me and knew all that would fill that space would be the manifestation of my greatest dreams. Realistically, I had to ask myself a few questions: How do you even start to fill that space when the dreams are so unnervingly large? Should you even try? Is it a mission that is sure to end with death before success? And the tummy swirls begin…

Shocking confession: Sometimes it scares me to close my eyes! Something happens when I give my mind time away from the present and it scares me sh*tless sometimes. The images are so vivid that they mimic a motion picture! Often times, afternoon naps are more tiring to wake up from because I’ve spent them in this endless world of possibility. Some are so amazing that I have to document them so I grab the first thing I can get my hands on to record this macrocosm of images and…NOTHING! I can’t get them onto paper! How am I going to map out this plan to get there if I can’t even get it written down? (This will definitely have to be tackled in another post!)

So the adventure begins with me as a modern-day Eve in a modern day Garden of Eden! Good news is that I’ve already eaten the apple. Bad news is that I’ve already eaten the apple! {insert profanity & head-banging} I can’t spend the rest of my life at that crossroad so I’m pushing forward (with my bag of potential). First things first, no one looking for a cameo is invited on this journey. If you don't want to be in for the long haul, don’t step up to the ticket counter because you will not be admitted on this train. Secondly, I am armed & dangerous! Really but not really…I’m definitely outfitting myself with “the belt of truth”, “breastplate of righteousness”, and “the shield of faith”. I guess that only makes me dangerous to those that seek to hinder me. (Yikes, did I just serve someone notice? If so, spare us both & just walk in the other direction!) Lastly, I must make the choices that lead me to a life of fulfillment not regret. Compromise on this is not an option! The challenge of my choice still scares me but I can’t afford to back away now. *closes eyes*

Photo: Magda by Brianna McCarthy via Passion.Fruit

Please stop my Brianna's blog & check out her awesome paintings & sketches. I'm constantly in a state of ah when I see the beautiful & powerful pieces that she creates.

The REALEST thing HE ever spoke!*

I'm in the throws of another crazy week but I'm excited because there have been some major wins! I started the week of with an awesome talk from a great mentor. Without her pulling me aside on Sunday, I'm not sure that I could have this kind of week! I'm seeing things in a entirely new perspective. What I teach to my youth group is finally coming to life for me!

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Over the past couple of years, I have been put in some trying times & pushed to my limits. More times that I care to admit, I thought to myself that I must have really made God mad at me or that He'd somehow forgotten about me. In reality, I was looking at everything according to the plan that I'd put out & not the one He has for me. Just when I think I've got this all figured out, He blows my mind with what He reveals to me. He hides flawed me to show Himself to others so that I can have favor & opportunities. Now my job is to practice humility and move from a dReAmEr to a DOER!


*Hopefully, God doesn't get too mad at me for my shout to Tupac in the title!

**I promise to have more pics next week. I have some free time this weekend & I'm planning a small adventure. STAY TUNED!!

Baby Hairz

My hair has been a labor of love since 2008 when I finally decided to stop relaxing it. Last summer, I finally got tired of growing it out & did the infamous BC that all curly girls dread but can't wait to get to do. Since then, I've played around with tons of styles & techniques. I'm so obsessed with big hair that it's not funny! My only problem is that I tend to get a little scissor happy. I just nonchalantly whacked off about 2 inches this Friday. It's just hair right?!?!

My latest hair idol:

Julia Sarr - Jamois

I'm a few locks shorter but definitely a Curlazon (my new word) in training!

♫ Let Me See The Booty - The Dream ♫

(Don't judge me! I'm G.R.I.T.S & a sucker for a good club banger! LOL)

Photo courtesy of The Fashion Bomb

It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine!

This weekend was filled with some of the most unexpectedly fun moments. I was banking completely on doing nothing all weekend. I mean, seriously, I was going to be the epitome of Drake’s line “Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin’ with no make-up on”! (That really is when I’m the cutest!) Lucky for me, people around me had other plans. I find it crazy how the small things speak to you when you see them in passing. I made the promise to myself to always be present in the moment & boy, has it paid off! Life is so much easier & fulfilling when you can recognize sunshine even on the cloudiest days. While perusing Francesca’s with one of my students, I ran across a collection of inspiration knick-knacks. I first saw these at the Tattered Cover in Denver this past November. I fell in love with a new one every day & now I have the most ridiculous collection. Luckily, I was about to keep my debit card in my purse this time around. Here are just a couple of my favs:

Feeds right into my Superwoman complex!


ZOMG!!


Don’t let my size fool, you I had to stop for grub & what better place than Mellow Mushroom! If you have one of these in your area, there’s no need to explain. If you don’t, FIND ONE!


♥ Life or I'll do it for you!