Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Wednesday

Confessional is now open!


I don't boast about it but I'm a bit artsy fartsy when left to myself. I don't have a particular medium that I like to work with. I've tried a few different techniques over the year. My job doesn't allow for any creativity so I escape by way of quick pencil sketches. My mind gets so cluttered with random idea that a few years back I started carrying moleskin notebooks in my purse. Fairly quickly, more than half of the pages are littered with random doodles. I never show anyone because they're never anything special. It's my little secret! Once I've finished a book, I throw it into a pile and rarely do I ever go back to look at them. I picked up the drawing bug from my dad. He's the most talented artist that I know. Sadly, it's not a talent that he uses often; if ever. He's a secret doodler like me. In high school, he was granted an Art scholarship but he didn't use it. He was pushed to focus on basketball because of his height. (He's 6'9"!) When the basketball thing didn't get him into college, he just started to work. I remember the first time that I discovered he could draw. I was working on a project and asked for some help drawing a horse. In minutes, he'd sketched out the most perfect masterpiece. I contemplated signing my name on the bottom to turn it in as my own work but he wasn't having it. He took me through the steps on creating my own. And that's when the art bug bit me! I've drawn all kinds of things & recently branched out to photography. I get super excited at the opportunities to get outside to take pictures or lay out & draw. Doesn't happen too much but it's a treat when I get the chance.

I'm sure you're wondering why this qualifies as confession worthy! Well, I've been wanting to discreetly put together a collection of sketches and photos. I've been putting it off & making excuses about time and my lack of professional training. I received a random e-mail from a childhood acquaintance and wrote a super-charged motivational e-mail reply just to realize that I should be taking my own advice. Dawn Okoro's recent blog post pretty much reinforced that little voice that was telling me that I have no more reasons to run from it. I'm entering a local event where random citizens are asked to fill a small sketchpad with their creativity. I should get my book by the weekend. I'll share the final product before I turn it back in at the beginning of September.

Living as the New Eve


Lately, I have been in the strangest place spiritually. The pull on me to be dynamic, bold & virtuous has felt like too much to bear at some times. None of the education I’ve received ever covered how to dream big, live up to those dreams but still be rooted. There have been days where I felt a big, gaping hole in me and knew all that would fill that space would be the manifestation of my greatest dreams. Realistically, I had to ask myself a few questions: How do you even start to fill that space when the dreams are so unnervingly large? Should you even try? Is it a mission that is sure to end with death before success? And the tummy swirls begin…

Shocking confession: Sometimes it scares me to close my eyes! Something happens when I give my mind time away from the present and it scares me sh*tless sometimes. The images are so vivid that they mimic a motion picture! Often times, afternoon naps are more tiring to wake up from because I’ve spent them in this endless world of possibility. Some are so amazing that I have to document them so I grab the first thing I can get my hands on to record this macrocosm of images and…NOTHING! I can’t get them onto paper! How am I going to map out this plan to get there if I can’t even get it written down? (This will definitely have to be tackled in another post!)

So the adventure begins with me as a modern-day Eve in a modern day Garden of Eden! Good news is that I’ve already eaten the apple. Bad news is that I’ve already eaten the apple! {insert profanity & head-banging} I can’t spend the rest of my life at that crossroad so I’m pushing forward (with my bag of potential). First things first, no one looking for a cameo is invited on this journey. If you don't want to be in for the long haul, don’t step up to the ticket counter because you will not be admitted on this train. Secondly, I am armed & dangerous! Really but not really…I’m definitely outfitting myself with “the belt of truth”, “breastplate of righteousness”, and “the shield of faith”. I guess that only makes me dangerous to those that seek to hinder me. (Yikes, did I just serve someone notice? If so, spare us both & just walk in the other direction!) Lastly, I must make the choices that lead me to a life of fulfillment not regret. Compromise on this is not an option! The challenge of my choice still scares me but I can’t afford to back away now. *closes eyes*


Photo: Magda by Brianna McCarthy via Passion.Fruit

Please stop my Brianna's blog & check out her awesome paintings & sketches. I'm constantly in a state of ah when I see the beautiful & powerful pieces that she creates.