Stumbling onto the right answers...

I had a little bit of downtime on my vacation last week & had an opportunity to reflect on lessons that I've learned (& re-learned) this year. I don't think the blogosphere has enough space for me to go into details on how & why. Besides, I think the lessons are far more valuable than the stories at this point. Though the process of learning is not always easy or the most comfortable position to be in, I find myself humbled and grateful to undergo such a thing. I always hope that I'm making the best decisions & honestly, I never really know until I'm crossing the threshold into the consequences. If I had to grade myself on mastering this life thing, I'd say I'm passing. The challenge is just getting from good to great! Enjoy!

• Pick up my feet! (Directed at my clumsy inner 13 year old self!)
• "Why?" is never a dumb question when my happiness/destiny is involved.
• Get carried away in what I love!
• It's not my problem when someone can't see how awesome I am! (*not trying to be conceited)
  
• Don't suppress my inner pioneer!
• Fear is a wasteful emotion.
• If hearing "no" is the worst case scenario, I'm in a good place.
  
• When I love from the right place, I'm energized.
• Inspiration is omnipresent if I just change my perspective.
  
• Keep believing in a fairy tale ending until it happens. It will!
• Those that want me in their lives will make it known & make room.
• Some things are worth just doing & apologizing afterwards.
• Stop apologizing so much!
• Great thinkers must eventually move on to be great doers.
• My grandparents & parents did what they could to open doors. I can't be afraid to kick in the ones still closed!
• Buying planes tickets to travel thousands of miles away, without a clear game plan, isn't really that scary.
• Don't be afraid to walk away, especially when no good is possible.
• It's okay to keep a mystery about me to preserve what I treasure most.
  
• Not only does my opinion matter but it's also relevant.
• Don't be afraid to offer silence as an answer when action will speak louder.
  
• I'm enough!

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

Confessional is now open!

I don't boast about it but I'm a bit artsy fartsy when left to myself. I don't have a particular medium that I like to work with. I've tried a few different techniques over the year. My job doesn't allow for any creativity so I escape by way of quick pencil sketches. My mind gets so cluttered with random idea that a few years back I started carrying moleskin notebooks in my purse. Fairly quickly, more than half of the pages are littered with random doodles. I never show anyone because they're never anything special. It's my little secret! Once I've finished a book, I throw it into a pile and rarely do I ever go back to look at them. I picked up the drawing bug from my dad. He's the most talented artist that I know. Sadly, it's not a talent that he uses often; if ever. He's a secret doodler like me. In high school, he was granted an Art scholarship but he didn't use it. He was pushed to focus on basketball because of his height. (He's 6'9"!) When the basketball thing didn't get him into college, he just started to work. I remember the first time that I discovered he could draw. I was working on a project and asked for some help drawing a horse. In minutes, he'd sketched out the most perfect masterpiece. I contemplated signing my name on the bottom to turn it in as my own work but he wasn't having it. He took me through the steps on creating my own. And that's when the art bug bit me! I've drawn all kinds of things & recently branched out to photography. I get super excited at the opportunities to get outside to take pictures or lay out & draw. Doesn't happen too much but it's a treat when I get the chance.

I'm sure you're wondering why this qualifies as confession worthy! Well, I've been wanting to discreetly put together a collection of sketches and photos. I've been putting it off & making excuses about time and my lack of professional training. I received a random e-mail from a childhood acquaintance and wrote a super-charged motivational e-mail reply just to realize that I should be taking my own advice. Dawn Okoro's recent blog post pretty much reinforced that little voice that was telling me that I have no more reasons to run from it. I'm entering a local event where random citizens are asked to fill a small sketchpad with their creativity. I should get my book by the weekend. I'll share the final product before I turn it back in at the beginning of September.

Separation Anxiety

Destructive vs. Constructive? Fulfilling vs. Draining? Positive vs. Negative? No matter how we choose to rid our lives of the bad things, we end up running that thing past one (if not all) of these questions. It seems like a no-brainer but we still have to check to see where it falls. Whether it's a major relationship or a simple habit, the true gut check begins and ends with these questions. Funny enough, I've been standing in this same same grocery aisle of questions for some time looking at all the cans wondering which I'm going to put in my basket & which I'd leave behind for someone else to pick up. As simple of a choice as it should be, I'm not sure that I'm ready to leave some behind. My mind races between these questions constantly tagging back and forth:

• What will I do with the time that deserting this will leave me?
• What will people say once I've walked away?
• How will I explain my decision?
• Do I really need to let go of it?

Truth be told I know the answers to all of these and already know what I'm going to do. My biggest concern is what happens in the meantime. How do you tackle the emotions that come along with the choice? All of those emotions are a direct derivative of fear; sometimes minor and other times paralyzing. Whichever the case, I challenge you (and myself) to grab that fear by the horns and wrestle it to the ground. Sure, there will be a few bruises as a result but a small cost to achieve the happiness we all seek. Whatever it is that you're trying to separate yourself from, do it now! Don't worry about the frivolous questions that float through your mind. Those are just self-inflicted tricks to keep us from what we really desire. The anxiety will soon subside and you will triumph!