My introverted personality takes pride in moving about undetected with stealth-like precision. Last week, I had a complete misfire of my ninja powers...
My alarm started blaring at 5:30 and I stumbled from the bed about a hour later. Despite the slow start, I was in great spirits & went about getting ready. I don't toil around with making perfect outfits. I pretty much close my eyes, reach in my closet & pull out something. As long as the resulting outfit covers my lady bits, I roll with it without too much additional thought. This day was no different. By 7:20, I was out the door & at Starbucks by 7:30. In that 10 minute time frame, a monsoon came through and I was taking my 2nd shower of the day. Still determined to get in my daily allowance of caffeine, I snatched up my umbrella from the passenger side floorboard, whipped it out my door & headed into the elements. Halfway across the parking lot, God must have taken a deep sigh because a huge gust of wind came through. Consequently, my umbrella turned on me & cracked me right in the middle of my forehead. So M-F'ing hard that I stumbled! Through the cartoon-like stars circling my head, I saw another Starbucks patron shaking his head in amazement at my moment of discombobulation! Not wanting to let on that I felt as small as an ant, I sauntered right into the Starbucks to get my crack...err, drink. The wind was apparently still in the mood to toy with me & was now forcing me to use my not-so-brute strength to open the door. Once I got it open, the damn wind was not letting go & causing me to yank it closed. {Insert loud boom} Gathering my composure & my cardigan (now completely twisted & exposing far too much skin for February), I let my umbrella down and tossed it next to the creamer station. {Insert nuclear bomb sound effect} Terrified, I looked around and locked eyes with my Starbucks admirer. My brain flooded with millions of prayers similar to: "GO-GO-GADGET INVISIBLE CLOAK", "PLEASE GOD MELT ME INTO A PUDDLE LIKE IN THE CARTOONS" and "WAKE UP & THIS DREAM WILL BE OVER"! I think God may have walked away from the mainline briefly because none of the above happened. I hurried to the counter to order my goods, spoke a gratuitous "Good Morning!" to my buddy then scurried to my car. Once in the safety of my car, I let out the most audible sigh in history then smacked my (still pink from Round 1 with my umbrella)forehead on the steering wheel. I want to tell you the day got astronomically better. I really do! In typical fashion, I managed to execute several equally embarrassing moments across the remainder of the day. I hit the sack around 8:00 that night to spare the lives of the remaining citizens of my dear city.
This is not an excerpt from a tween book series! This is a typical day in my life proving that you just grow older not cooler!
Photo credit: I stole this picture somewhere from the interwebz months ago. I'll find the original owner & give them proper credits, I promise!
